I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
