I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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