So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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