five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
