I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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