just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
