Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The air taste purple.
Randomize
