I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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