Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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