Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize