problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
