Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
