so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
