I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
