dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
