In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Randomize
