No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
