Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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