Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Jerry, you need to find god
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
