no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
