This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My cat gives me a boner
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
