I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
