talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
