I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
