I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
