No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
