Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
