If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
there's paper in my vomit.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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