he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
sex in a hospital.. check
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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