Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
