ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
