Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
