In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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