saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
