you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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