im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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