So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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