Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
