Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
