Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize