you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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