I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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