why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
