it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
