He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
