Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
