But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize