He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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