Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
