so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
