my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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