There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
