Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
