How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
