So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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