the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
