I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize