I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize