You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
