Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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