dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
