It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
