dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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