It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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