You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you would pick up someone in the library
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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