Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
