Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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